All latch keys look identical.

Smooth, soft velvety cinders were exploding a network of totally ripe swirling black lillies joyfully. Now I've Seen It All, I thought, as i slowly unravelled like a ball of yarn. All of a sudden, the devil collected my clatter machines, that greet you and say 'All Is Full Of Love'. Then the devil slid inside me, causing emotional landscapes to burst like old train sounds. I almost allowed my fingers to stroke. The shame is endless. Although, his wet embrace is a fortress. It fuels me and places a slippery submarine in my lost lands.

How I love him.

note- the previous passage was made entirely of Bjork lyrics. Suck on that, bitch.

Nobody cares about Pork Chops.

Pork Chops are boring. Nobody wants to read about meat, cut from a pig. Unless it's Bacon.

Because bacon is o-so good.

But enough about Bacon.

I'm here to tell you how awesome I am.

It's Official- Jordan Peters is awesome. Unlike some people (cough, Mr. Red, cough cough) I am awesomeness on legs.

But enough about how awesome I am.

I'm here to tell you about something else.

When I got into the car after school, I could have sworn I heard someone say 'Pimp'. So, I exclaimed 'Who's a Pimp?'

My family looked at me with quizzical expressions. Dad said 'I don't know Jordan, who is a pimp?'

To that I replied, 'Me. I am a pimp, dad. Dylan is my only worker.'

After some discussion about how lousy you are at prostitution, he told me to sack you, and to hire someone else. Someone less picky.

And less horrible.

But, enough about sluts.

I'm here to tell you about deja vu.

I'm here to tell you about deja vu.

Cheerio.

Goodbye.

Toodle-Pip,

Old Chum.

Mr. Red sttrikes again.

Dylan Knur's (otherwise known as Mr. Red)'s personal vendetta against me has sunk to new lows.

He victimised me in a recent post on his horridious blog. The title has escaped me, but it has something to do with the life of some made up word.

That's right, folks. This downright cow of a man makes up words.

He's also a prostitute.

Oh yes, those gasps are quite understandable.

He practices the oldest profession, as they say.

Who says such a thing?

'They'.

But who are they?

Stay tuned.

I'm back.

I didn't say it.
Arnold Schwarzennegger did.
In the classic Sci Fi film The Terminator.
'I'll be Back.'
He wasn't actually talking about his character, The Terminator.
He was talking about Randy McMuffinface.
aka Me.
That's right. You heard me.
Me.
I'm here to gain the trophy of best blog ever, a title dubiously held by one Mr. Re- oops, sorry- Dylan Knur. I'd forgotton he's changed his name.
So, what am I going to talk about in this post, I hear you ask?
Nothing.
That's right, you heard me.
Nothing.
It's a funny word, don't you think?
No-thing.
Noth-ing
Not-hing
Quite intriguing.
But, can anything really be nothing?
If there is something which is classed as nothing, then there has to be something, because 'It' (somenthing) is called nothing. There has to be something for there to be nothing.
But you can't have nothing at the same time as something.
Or can you?
Stay tuned.

Mr. Red

Once upon a time, in a land not very far away, there lived a man named Redford Red. His bed was red, his car was red, his banjo was red. Even still, it was none of these things that made him a complete outcast.

That was because he was a horrible person (and a terrible banjo player).

One day, he decided to change his name, so people wouln't recognise him so suddenly.

So he did.

To Dylan Knur.

Pity, he's still a horrible person.

But no whe has some friends, although one mysterious individual with dark hair and ambiguously blue eys pushes him around quite a bit, much to Redford- sorry, Dylan-'s mother's horror.

And it is with this news that I announce my annoyance.

Annoyance at major DVD retailers.

Because they don't stock Dancer in the Dark.

And if they do, its at quite an obsorbitant price.

Well, that was my rambling for today.

Huzzah.

Randy's random Adventure, Pt 2

Previously on Randy's random Adventure....
...then I was home again.But what had happened to my money??.....
I looked everywhere- The cupboard, the drawer, the safe, the wardrobe, the television, the fish tank, the cheese, the washing machine, the freezer....when I had a brainwave-
Maybe it's in my wallet!
I shoved my hand in my pocket and drew out my leather wallet. I flipped it open, and there it was.
100 dollars.
Green.
Green.
Green.
All of a sudden I was in a tree. I tried to shout but all that came out was a chirp. I looked down and saw feathers. Feathers, feathers, everywhere.
I don't think I'm a narwhal anymore, Toto.


stay tuned for more.

I think you may find I am not a CHERUB, but a DOGFLAP-
Dashing
Overly
Good
Film
Loving
Awesome
Person

Beat that.

Go clean an emu.